Last week we talked about what a zombie is. Today I wanted to talk about something way more important: How to put one back into the ground. See I’m not so much worried about how they got here as what I need to do to keep them from eating my face. There is nothing worse than being faced with a zombie and having someone try and put a couple of rounds center-of-mass (that’s in the chest). They do that and then you get to watch them get THEIR face eaten. And then that makes two undead face eaters that you’ve gotta deal with. Not exactly the idea situation, eh? So, on to zombie death.
Shotguns are ideal. Failing that, fire is always a good fallback.
-Random Noob when asked what is the best weapon to take out a zombie with.
One of the reasons I hate mornings is that everyone looks like a “zombie”. People all stumbling around and barely coherent, making groggy gurgly noises…eating the flesh offa others. OK so maybe not that last one, but the rest are pretty close, right? That sort of shit makes me nervous. Me and my other zombie ready roomie are seconds away from smashing in a head with Good Ol’ Trusty.
It is said that if you know your enemies and know yourself, you will not be imperiled in a hundred battles; if you do not know your enemies but do know yourself, you will win one and lose one; if you do not know your enemies nor yourself, you will be imperiled in every single battle.
-Sun Tzu, “The Art of War” Chapter 3, last sentence.
Many of you will probably one day be a zombie. This information is for the rest of us.
Forewarned is Forearmed
People will look at you funny when you walk into a room and look for the exits. You’ll be criticized for getting together with your buddies and discussing what to do in the event of an uprising. Someone will probably try to arrest you for swinging your trust titanium crowbar (of doom) *drools on himself* at random things. They do this because they don’t know… because they can’t understand. They do this because they will one day be one of the hordes.
The first step in surviving the zombie apocalypse is knowing that it is coming. Go beyond knowing, and start living like it’s coming. Read up on how to survive w/o modern technologies, Learn to pick locks, fix cars, ride a bike and the many other things that I’ll introduce you to. Above all, know that they are coming. They are waiting out there. Waiting with that inexhaustible patience that the undead possess. And as Ford Prefect will tell you, “Always know where your towel is.”
Except your towel is a crowbar.
And you use it to kill zombies.