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And, well, I really didn’t feel like spending the spoons on this. I only get so many, and I didn’t think you were worth it when I have a family and appointments and my own shit to handle. You, and others like you who can’t take time out of your fame to look at us, the lowly masses not worthy of you. Not at all. But see, you are not getting it. You are like the school yard bullies who know that eventually we will run out of energy to fight this if you keep at it long enough because we are vulnerable. I thought if I ignored you long enough…
You haven’t gotten it for a long ass time. I haven’t bothered with your blog except when someone points me in your direction because of this. You hurt, push off, dismiss and ignore people with legitimate complaints when they bring them to your attention, or allow your readers to do the same completely unchecked. Then, you have the nerve when your responses to an open letter are made public to those of us who have a public interest in this. Did you all think we would just go away with a little head pat and a promise that you would try to do better next time? Oh poor you, you had no idea this was going on! You are all so busy and your blog is So Big!
This shit isn’t new.
Fine. Go have your biggest feminist community ever. If it’s too big to have room for the rest of us so be it, because, ya know, you either have room for all of us or none of us. We are not pieces who can co-opted for page hits, we are whole women and people, and we can not be appeased in back room secret meetings. We are (eta: there should have been a “not” here, gah!) inspirational or brave or to be admired for our gumption.
But you had to go and piss off people that I care about and who matter to me.
The rest of the world treats us like shit scraped off of a shoe and we don’t need to read it from the likes of you, who pretend to be speaking up for marginalized voices. Some of those voices happen to be ours. But when this shit, this shit right here goes unchecked and not ONE FUCKING MOD has the nerve to step the fuck up…I mean fuck…someone from another fucking big blog cared more than you did. And all this crap that you can’t be responsible for the comments of readers…BULLSHIT. Completely and totally. I have seen other places do it with zero tolerance policies, and yes, it was indeed fucking painful, and sure, they lost readers, but they made the effort and at least recognized that words mean things, and the spaces have become places where learning takes place without judgement. The world is full of people out there catering to the same privileged ass holes who want to defend their right to behave however they want to with your blessing (because let’s be clear, your lack of action is pretty much condoning it).
It’s cool, though, b/c I knew the game a while ago, and so did a lot of us. The WoC, the fatties, the lower class girls, ya know, the ones who can’t pitch a fit about having to eat day old over-priced take out sushi and having to actually get up by nine-fucking-thirty. The ones who wrote about radical love first but didn’t get the by-line. The ones you silenced w/ “tone” arguments (I thought that was a charming touch). You chased a lot of people off before, and then used their ideas to further your big name, and that’s OK. They didn’t need you. I don’t, we don’t. Wev.
We hoped that you would try to talk, to reason, to show that you stand behind your words. But this shit has gone on long enough. I cut my teeth at your place, and sure I fucked up, but the difference between you and me is that when I get called out I try to learn from it and move on. I don’t stick my heels in the mud and demand my right to be a big ol’ jerk. How many places have we opened up for a dialogue (not me, admittedly, I’ve been pissed at you for a while, but most of these people have been trying to contact you for about a year now)? And your kids are still sitting on the playground, holding the dodge balls, screaming at us that we are too busy crying about our skinned knees while they all stand around insisting that words don’t mean things.
Words certainly do mean things.
So, consider these words:
Is what you are doing helping or hurting? How many groups are you going to further marginalize? Is being the biggest truly worth hurting so many? You’ve lost sight of what you were doing and control of the community (or maybe you don’t care what happens in the community w/ your name attached to it?). Is that your vision of making a new name for feminism? If that is your vision of feminism I want no part of it. None.
I stand by the others who have gone before me to list what they want. Only complete and total cooperation from the entirety of the staff will suffice to get my participation and to get me to listen. I will not negotiate. Not with my life, not with my well being or that of other PWDs. I don’t have enough spoons for that.
Don’t know what spoons are? I’m not looking it up for you, because I can’t stomach another flippant response without vomiting.
I intend to join in solidarity, literally or figuratively as needed with other PWD and FWD to ensure that we work harder at creating spaces where we are respected and treated with dignity and respect and like whole people, not someone to be tolerated or pitied. We are to be taken seriously. Most of us are not just simply “disability defenders” as some of your faithful readers so cleverly put it, we are actual PWDs who are very capable of speaking up for ourselves. But that would require someone actually paying attention.
Don’t worry. I won’t hold my breath.