We live our lives under so many social constructs.
Gender is a great one. From the moment the doctor slaps a baby on the ass and announces “It’s a ___” a child’s life seems to be molded by whatever object fills that blank. Society expects certain things of certain people based on how that doctor finishes that sentence, and fuck off if you don’t fit neatly into the binary that begins it all.
Sexuality is another one. Socially speaking, boys should like girls and girls should like boys, and if the playground dynamics of some of the toddler mommy groups I see some days are any indication you can’t start that one soon enough. The church nursery is a great place to pick up a date, and it had best be of the opposite flavor. Although, come to think of it, that trust that society put in closed doors as long as I only had girls in my room left so many opportunities open… Maybe some social constructs have their upsides. OTOH, I do know that my kid won’t be getting away w/ too much unnoticed. ;) When our children are young we seem to fail to recognize when we are busy planning their lives for them that sexuality is a gamut of human possibility, varied and colorful as the floor of the art studio I used to frequent my fourth year in college.
Dovetailing off of sexuality is this idea of monogamy. It is this idea that each human being should bind themselves to another human being in a holy rite for all eternity. You should must remain faithful and true to only this one person forever and ever amen. But, why, if we are only meant to ever be with one person ever should we go on to feel urges or desires outside of the confines of that holy bliss?* We fight against what feels natural because of guilt and fear foisted upon us by a social construct. We feel pressure to marry by everyone around us. Modern day politics tell us that damn near everyone wants in on marriage, and if we don’t, we must be some kind of social outcast, or worse, Hester Prynne.
Because gods forbid you break that contract. There is no going back from that. Shit, you don’t even have to break it in reality, all that has to happen is that someone who isn’t you or your spouse has to believe that some act of impropriety has taken place, and that is as good a deal breaker as an actual happenstance. Or, forbid you have thoughts or fantasies, or are just a fucking writer and like to jot stories down in journals or on your hard drive to get them out of your head. Any of those things seem to be good enough to paint you as a big ol’ breaker of the home.
Then all hell breaks loose. And people, especially in small towns or small communities, love gossip. They love nothing better than to drag a person through mud. My favorite part is trying to defend someone who has been accused (like it was some crime, oh, I’m sorry, in some states it still fucking is, and people tell me that Christian morals don’t rule the world) of cheating, and having people mansplain to you “if you knew what happened you wouldn’t defend her,” as if anyone has any iota of a clue as to how I would defend a friend in that situation.
Because monogamy is a silly social construct.
But let me be clear. All sexual relationships are just social constructs in one way or another, really. You have to be in agreement with all parties involved, otherwise it fails to be consensual on someone’s behalf. If you don’t want to be monogamous, don’t. No judgment here, honestly, because it doesn’t really matter what happens between consenting parties. The only people who have any business judging the sexual acts and relationships of other people are the people directly involved in those sexual relationships as long as everyone is consenting.
If you choose to be committed and monogamous (like I have), do it. If that is too much to handle for you, you really owe it to the other person to let them know. It is the decent human thing to do, but there is no reason to stay monogamous if you don’t want to. Why should you? Because society has told you to? Because archaic laws held up by people who can’t hold to them demand it of you?
Sex is your own damn business. Yours and whomever you are fucking. And, if you have a partner who believes you are being monogamous, you really should clue them in, and move on. No one is holding you back.
As that same aside, if someone is out getting their groove on, it really is none of your damned business if it isn’t your bed they are doing it in. So keep your scarlet letter out of their sheets.
We, and by we, I mean other people, because I don’t give a fuck who is fucking whom (I am trying to get my Wordle and swear meter results back up) as long as everyone is consenting.
Life is too damned short to look back and have regrets. I’ve had enough of those. My life works for me, and I don’t intend to force it on anyone else. I expect that same courtesy of others. I wish the rest of the damned U.S. could get on board w/ that. But I realize that is like trying to organize a 25 man raid and keep everyone focused after three wipes. That is beyond channeling a major gamer deity.
As long as you are staying safe I say party on.
*The use of holy rhetoric here is cheeky, because I believe that religion should get as far away from the concept of unions as possible, as far as the idea of benefits of partners go, for legal, tax purposes, survivorship and any other benefit we currently ascribe to marriage. Make everything a civil union, for heterosexual, homosexual, for anyone. Take “marriage” out of it. Make it truly equal. Then, if people still want their marriage, they can go to the religious entity of their choice and get “married”, but there should be no extra legal state or federal benefit as a result. Truly separate church and state. Get the fundies out the union business and equality might have a fucking shot. *AHEM*