exactly that


Umm.  How do I say this…


Hell fucking no.

There is a whole lot I can say about porn right now, but there are a lot of people who would say it better than me.  I have nothing against porn where everyone is 2257 Compliant (and I mean everyone, even the anti-porn crowd blowhards who think they are making “fair and unbiased documentaries”) and completely willing, as in doing the work because they want to, and not because they have no other options.  There is a lot of nuance there that is ignored in my statement, like the lack of options to women that would lead them to make that choice…but that is not the conversation I am wanting to have here.  This is not a porn debate.

Instead, let’s talk about that phrase.

I have never been raped.  I shared one time at Cara’s place a story about being inappropriately touched by a family member once, something I have never really told anyone before, but I can not attest to the pain and trauma of being raped.  I can not personally imagine how horrifying that must be to endure and to heal from, if such a thing is ever truly possible.

But I can say that were I to ask someone I know who has been raped they would probably not say “It was an awful lot like voluntarily watching a sex video or looking at a nudie magazine”.  I intensely detest the flippant use of the word rape to describe anything that someone find arbitrarily unpleasant, like getting pwned in a video game or having to pay taxes.  It is already incredibly difficult to get many courts to take it seriously, or to even get news media to use the word appropriately, and the casual use of rape to describe an unpleasant experience doesn’t do anything to help the cause.

I would have to say that the only thing that can be compared to rape is…rape.


Comments on: "*seen*" (3)

  1. Having been raped I can say that to me porn does not equal rape.

    Also not like rape: getting a bad deal on a new car, having your identity stolen, not having your candidate win an elected office.

    Things that are like rape: rape. Torture, I would imagine being that it is someone harming your body against your will, and that is about it.

  2. Seconded.

    Also not like rape: Companies making profits. Consenting people having sex (sounds like a no brainer, but someone actually told me his girlfriend was going to rape him that night because he had bought her chocolates and he was ‘really looking forward to it’ because he’d never been raped before. I think this was his idea of a humorous joke).

    Also like rape: um, I got nothing, Red Queen pretty much covered it.

    “But I can say that were I to ask someone I know who has been raped they would probably not say “It was an awful lot like voluntarily watching a sex video or looking at a nudie magazine”. BTW, thankyou for this line. It’s those little touches of sensitive black rape humour that really make my day, and help.

    I know that sounds cripplingly sarcastic, which is unfortunate. But I struggle regularly with ‘rape jokes’ that are tantamount to ‘rape is funny’ or ‘rape isn’t serious’. Being able to actually laugh when rape is the subject is a rare occurrence for me, and only happens when the joke supports and validates my experience instead of negating it. Which you did.

    • I am almost embarrassed to say that Dane Cook inspired me there. He said he was pretty sure no one would tell him it was like getting beat at Halo.

      And it isn’t hypocritical. I get what you mean, completely.

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