exactly that

Twilight, chapters 15-17.

I will give chapter 14 about as much attention as it deserves.

“You’re so dreamy, I want to know everything about you”.

“I’d love to tell you in my most arrogant and mocking tone”.

Moving on.

So we have Bella.  Bella by her own account is plain, ordinary and nothing special at all.  She stinks at everything ever.  The fact that she can manage to walk in a straight line w/o killing herself is amazing, and how she survived 17 years w/o Dreamy McPerfectson by her side to be her Perpetual Savior every day is beyond my comprehension.

Making this a stark contrast is the fact that Edward is perfect.  I can not emphasize enough how often this fact is perfectly emphasized.  He is perfectly good looking.  He is perfect smelling.  He has perfect eyes and perfect teeth, and his hair is coiffed in a perfectly odd mess.  He dresses perfect in perfect labels and has perfect timing and senses.  Even his breath is perfect.  Who has perfect breath?  By human standards alone alone he is already unimaginably perfect.  Perfect is used so many times that the word starts to sound odd in my head as I read it.  Like when you are drunk and start repeating words over and over again.  *Road.  Road.  Ro-ad.  Rooood.  Rooooo-aaaad.*


Not only is Edward so perfect by human standards, and blazingly so standing next to plain Jane ordinary nothing special Bella, but he is a vampire, never to age nor fall from that level of perfection.  Not only that, but he is apparently the Vampiest Vamp alive!  Even among his perfect family.  Rosalie, w/ her perfect shape and beauty, Alice who apparently suffers from the inability to walk and can only prance or dance due to her perfect grace, Emmet w/ his perfect strength and charm, Jasper w/ his perfect ability to keep you calmer than everyone else, Esme w/ her perfect compassion and warmth of spirit, Carlisle w/ his perfect morals that allowed him to father this family of the Most Perfect Vampires who are vegetarians, BTW.  Edward is the most perfect of them all.  He is the fastest (“The Game”), he plays the piano to perfection and can compose dreamy melodies that stagger everyone in earshot (“The Cullens”).  He has the keenest senses.  He can get the closest to a human that he wants to drink more than anything EVAH! and not rip out her throat.  You get the point?

He is even so perfect he can knock a girl out w/ a single kiss…stop her frickin heart (“Mind over Matter”).  He is Adonis, you hear me!  Women plant fennel in their gardens to his honor and weep b/c his beauty is snuffed out too soon when it withers and dies!  He is God’s gift to women (can vampires be a gift from God?)!

Sweeping through three chapters of Vampy perfection to make a point of Edward’s perfection in contrast to Bella’s ordinariness (b/c she can’t for one paragraph allow us to forget that she will never be as special as Rosalie, who is drop dead classically gorgeous) feels to me either bad, lazy writing (can we get Meyer a Thesaurus?) or a great job portraying how pathetically boring the brain of a teenage girl in LUUUUUURVE can be*, but even I can’t be that hopeful.  Surely there must be something going on in her head other than the constant obsessing over Edward and what he is thinking…she gives us each mundane detail of each day of her life…where are the other thoughts?

Throughout the chapters here, I couldn’t help but get frustrated when I was tossed bites (sorry, couldn’t resist) of history of the Cullen family origins, but never enough.  It’s like when Angel takes a break from the story arch to show bits of when he and Darla wreaked havoc across continents…but there was more than hors d’oeuvres to keep me going.  The Cullens are interesting in that they seem to be transformed w/ their souls in tact, and therefore their free will to either choose to resist blood lust for humans or otherwise.  This is interesting, and a great way to give depth to otherwise shallow and superficial characters, but that boat never seemed to dock, never mind being missed altogether.  Even the major players seem to only have looks and romantic feelings, we never, as readers, see more than this vacuum sealed snapshot of them.  We know that Bella is self-depreciating and obsessed w/ her stalker Vampire Sweetheart, and that Edward is a creepy controlling stalker who is the Most Perfect Vampire Evah!  And we know what everyone else looks like.  Unless Edward is reading their minds to spy on Bella.

I am sure the next Twilight post will be full of fun, since it is about 400 pages into an almost 500 page book and we are finally about to get some conflict (“The Hunt”).  Buckle your seat belts for some victim blaming and damsel in distress saving wacky antics!

Previous Twilight posts here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here.

*Hey!  I have nothing against teenage girl brains, in Luuuuurve or otherwise.  I was one once.  It’s a part of growing up and we all grown out of it.  I’m just sayin’…


Comments on: "You are so perfectly perfect!" (7)

  1. donna darko said:

    I saw the movie which was somewhat entertaining. The book is sitting on my shelf so thanks for the links/preview.

  2. […] Twilight Posts between me and Ouyang Dan: Here, here, here, here, here, here , here, here, here and […]

  3. Anne Onne said:

    Lol at your *. The thing is, for me, that’s not what teenage girls’ brains are like. Bad writing can reduce them o one aspect of someone’s life, but that’s not the whole of the experience, even in the brain of a

    I mean, Anne Frank’s diary, for starters. Yes, she’s a teenage girl. Yes, we get angst about love. We get lots of writing about her situation and the war, but her life and even her diary isn’t purely obsessed with either love or her everyday situation, but finds so much more to think about. And this is a diary written by an actual teenager. You’d think a book that is basically a tell-all diary confessional when all’s said and done (if it charts her every thought, it might as well be) written by an adult would be able to have some level of nuance and variation.

    I have to wonder: are teenaged girls obsessed with love, or are we bringing them up to believe that they’re supposed to be obsessed with love. It’s not that I don’t believe thinking about various things, even very repetitively, is a part of life and especially a part of growing up. It is, and a person’s inner thoughts realistically portrayed are bound to be petty, insecure, cruel, obsessive etc up to a point.

    In today’s media, with so many messages telling girls that they should aspire to be nothing more than fixated on pleasing their man (thanks, Cosmo!) and that girls just naturally have different brains that make them illogical and boy/pink/pony obsessed, and with the huge problem we have with intimate partner violence, we need to counter this message. I feel a book where a teenage girl’s thoughts are limited to obsessing about her boyfriend, thinking she will DIE without him, and her whole world existing around him isn’t a good thing.

    It shows an aspect of ourselves, teenaged or adult (insecure, codependent, etc )that in a way is not unrealistic, but it doesn’t rise above that to show us why this is, or that people can be more than their limitations or more than society expects them to me. I don’t have an issue with the themes beong portrayed, but it’s the idealisation, the uncritical way in which we’re all encouraged to take on a fantasy without examining the dangerous messages within that’s worrying.

    Well, until I find the time to read the books (and get them from a library somewhere), reading your posts will be a perfect way to remember why I HAVE to read the books, and why I have to be grateful for less problematic reading material… :)

  4. No, you are right. That isn’t all that is going on in a teenage girl’s brain. Not by a long shot, at least I hope not, since I haven’t been one in a while. I remember obsessing over whatever person at that time, but I would have been able to talk about something else.

    I just finished New Moon (long plane rides and too many hotel stays), so I have to get blogging again, now that the airline found all of our bags. Oy!

  5. Anne Onne said:

    Whoops, unfinished sentences in my reply. I was going to say ‘that’s not all that’s going on, even in the brain of a relatively ‘normal’ girl, or even someone considered superficial. Yes, some people may be less inclined to think of the big picture, or be interested in hobbies or world peace or academia, but even they have a lot more to talk about than just boys.

    I don’t think much has changed since you were a teenager (I only graduated from *that* club fairly recently, myself, though I’m already grateful to get over some things from THE TEENS). I’ll be willing to admit that teenagers do change between generations in that the media and culture change, so much of what we may believe changes, but much also stays the same. Human nature and potential does not, hence one can read Homer and still identify with the characters.

    I shall look forward to your blogging New Moon…I doubt it will spoil the books for me, since I normally only worry about that if there’s a twisty-turny original plot which is vital to the enjoyment, which I don’t think is the point of these novels. :)

  6. “Who has perfect breath?”

    Apparently those who drink blood from large predators every few weeks and go hungry the rest of the time. (No, it wasn’t my first guess either.)

  7. […] Twilight blogging here, here, here, here, here, and here.  Be sure to follow the links to the posts by Mzbitca at What a Crazy Random […]

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