Last week we talked about what a zombie is. Today I wanted to talk about something way more important: How to put one back into the ground. See I’m not so much worried about how they got here as what I need to do to keep them from eating my face. There is nothing worse than being faced with a zombie and having someone try and put a couple of rounds center-of-mass (that’s in the chest). They do that and then you get to watch them get THEIR face eaten. And then that makes two undead face eaters that you’ve gotta deal with. Not exactly the idea situation, eh? So, on to zombie death.
Shotguns are ideal. Failing that, fire is always a good fallback.
-Random Noob when asked what is the best weapon to take out a zombie with.
So, first and foremost, I give you your number 1 target: the brain. In order to stop a zombie from eating your brain, you take away his. Everyone knows this…well if not, you’re at the right place. Assuming now that we know what we should be aiming at, I’m going to rate the random tools that you’ll find as you attempt to survive the outbreaks of the future.
I feel the need to address one misconception that many, many random noobs out there seem to have. Many think that you can kill a zombie with fire. When you grab something hot, what makes you pull your hand back with a grimace? What makes you say “ow ow ow that’s hot!”? That would be pain, and pain hurts. So the problem with zombies is that thy don’t feel pain. So when you light them on fire, they go up in flames. And then they continue walking around trying to eat you for what? another 30 minutes or so? 2 hours? Two friggin hours of walking zombie torch (of doom)? Why the hell would you do that? You wanna die of asphyxiation rather than having your face eaten off? Fire is bad. Fire is a no no unless you are set up to deal with the walking candle-zombie. I mean, if you have a 15 foot ditch dug outside of a 10 foot high 5 foot thick concrete wall, then sure, light up some zombies. Let them walk around in the ditch lighting the other zombies on fire. This way you won’t burn down anything you’re not willing to lose. Fire is super situational, and definitely shouldn’t be your first choice.
Guns are great. They are extremely powerful. Definitely strong enough to punch through a skull. There are two main problems with guns. Guns are noisy, and guns need ammunition. Lets take the following situation. You’re making a supply run from your safe house, heading to a thrift store down the street. As you’re skulking along the shadows, you see a zombie standing in front of the only entrance to the thrift store. Now, unless you’ve got a silenced weapon, any shot you make is going to potentially draw more zombies down on your location. A quick dash toward zombie and a good swing with a sledgehammer or the like and you could silence the zombie before he got too much of a howl out. Well, more on that a bit later, but the point here was that guns are noisy. Guns are good, boom-boom is fun, just make sure you don’t get caught in a situation like this without backup.
One of my personal favorite zombie killing tools is the crossbow. You’ve got distance, stealth, and power. Slow reload times hinder this weapon, but it’s one of the few tools that I think are absolutely needed in my zombie survival stash.
Now let me tell you about old Trusty: melee weapons. God this subject can take up an entire post itself (which I’ll probably write next week). Suffice to say that, melee weapons are quiet, never require reloading and never run out of ammo. Downfall here is range. Having a zombie within arms reach is friggin scary. Having a lot of zombies is poo-your-pant worthy, however, I’d never be caught dead without my Trusty Titanium Crowbar, and neither should you.
I’d like to wrap up by saying that I’d rather have all of these weapons than have none. In the end you use what you’ve got. If you’ve got a gun on hand, use it. If all you’ve got is an aluminum bat use that. If all you’ve got is fire…well you better start running. Whatever choice you make, make it quick, take out the zombie’s head and move on.