that this post i made in an angry rant on myspace would get such positive feedback. i didn’t post it here, i figured it was kind of a “well, DUH” sort of thing…but i wanted to share.
and thanks to the people who asked if they could post it themselves, and pass it on. i received positive comments on it from some pretty unexpected places.
on 13 April, i wrote:
b/c i have to say it, and you need to hear it
Current mood: irate
if you are reading this, you are my friend, in some way, shape or form. it has become obvious to me that i need to say a few things to clear up misunderstandings b/f they happen, or happen again, and to draw my line in the sand. some of you may want to delete me from your friends files after this, so be it. some of you may think that i am pissing in my own sandbox, fine.
you all know me.
or you should, if you have been paying attention to the things that matter to me, by reading this babble that i put out pretty much daily, the things i write about, the places i link to, etc. it is no longer a secret to see that i am what i am, and who i have become.
so i have to ask,
what the fuck makes you think that it is OK to call me up and make “light” conversation and use sexist and misogynistic remarks, even after i ask you to stop. what makes you think that you can use sexist, right wing rhetoric about HRC when talking to me? i am a fucking feminist minded, progressive thinking woman, and that kind of talk, ESPECIALLY after i have asked you to refrain from it, and ESPECIALLY after i have had arguments w/ you where you REFUSE to see your privilege, will not fly w/ me. you will find yourself w/ one fewer ally if it continues. it is not OK to engage in anti woman talk, even if you think it is a joke. it is important to me, and if you consider me your friend, or care about me, you will remember that when you speak to me, or before dismissing my concerns. WORDS MEAN THINGS!
i will lay this out, so that there is no confusion any longer, about what i will and will not tolerate when you engage me in conversation.
it is not OK to make sexist jokes, about me, women in general, or certain public political figures who are smashing through glass ceilings, no matter what anyone thinks of her politics. you will not call someone a “pussy” and have it mean that they are effeminate, or try to use it as an insult to indicate that someone is weak. FYI a “pussy” happens to be one of the strongest things i can think of, just ask any woman who has given a vaginal delivery. it stretches to a nonillion times it’s original size, shoots a whole fucking human being out of it, and then returns to that original size. this does not equate weakness. i am not saying “women are superior to men”. but fucking WORDS MEAN THINGS!, so pay attention to how you use them. it is NOT OK to discredit the life’s work of a ground breaking woman, or of any woman w/ flippant remarks that discredit her on her gender alone. gender is a fucking social construct. consider the same w/ words like “bitch” and “cunt”. to not use them to degrade a woman when speaking to me, i will, from this moment on, call you out on it. think of something better. these words are meant to keep a woman in her place. i will refer to myself as such, and i may, as i possess one, and consider the other to be a fucking compliment. i would rather be a bitch or a cunt than a nice girl or a lady, b/c honestly, as Tina Fey said, bitches get stuff done. deal w/ it, but you may not use them as insults when you speak to or communicate w/ me.
you may not engage in racist behavior, deliberate or otherwise, when speaking to or w/ me. i don’t care if you think the “black woman yelled at you for being white”. that is bigoted and hateful language, and you need to be aware of such. no matter how ingrained it is in our society, no matter how casual it is for you to hear it in your “neck of the woods”. it is wrong. racist stereotypes are hurtful, whether you meant them to be or not. do not come in here and say “but but but i’m not racist!”, b/c we all are. for many of us, we have privilege, and i am officially owning mine. even though i am not technically white (i in fact consider myself a WOC, even though my skin color allows me to get by as otherwise. that is called privilege.), i recognize that i have, and still do, benefit from white privilege. i am not telling you that you need to do the same, though the world would improve a little bit for every person that does, but i will caution you when speaking to me. also, there is no such thing as reverse racism. i will not tolerate racism, even as a “joke”. hate is not funny. WORDS MEAN THINGS!
you will not engage in homophobic or otherwise queer hating behavior w/ me. the word “gay” is not an insult, though the rate of hate crimes perpetrated against people of the LGBTQ community would have you believe otherwise. you will not call someone “gay” as an insult, or try to insult a woman by calling her a “dyke” or “lesbian”. “limp wristed” is right out. you will not tote your religious infused hatred in here, and tell me that gay people are evil or disgusting or against some imaginary deity’s will. these are human fucking beings your are talking about, and they, like anyone else, deserve to be treated as such. these are people i care about and love, and people who seem to have a lot more respect for people that are different from them than a lot of straight people i have ever met. the same goes for transphobia. the fucking spell check here doesn’t even recognize it as a word, but it is real. i will repeat, gender is a fucking construct, and a transgendered person is not here to be your punching bag or punch line. you may not make jokes w/ LGBTQ people as the butt, and you may not tell me to lighten up for defending them. WORDS MEAN THINGS!
there is a laundry list of other things to add to this, but i think you get the point. if this is blindsiding anyone out there, i apologize, but it has been a long time coming, and needed to be said. some other off limit language is rape apology in any form, whiney MRA rhetoric, religious intolerance, and anti choice propaganda, b/c it is woman hating, ablism (such as using “retard” as an insult) or anything other than body accepting language.
if you are confused about any of this, i am here to answer questions.
so, thanks to all my readers. thanks for the support. and thanks for still checking in when the paying job has gotten in the way. if i could do this for a living, i would. i really, truly would write for my supper.