i walk to my car after work tonight, to find a few visitors.
ME: WTF? you all are not supposed to fucking be here!
COCKROACHES 1, 3, and 5 (CR135): *blink* *twitch*
ME: you better get the fuck outta here! *brandishes “ethos” water bottle*
CR135: *blink* *twitch*
ME: *smashes CR3 w/ “ethos” water bottle. water bottle crits CR3 for 57,893 damage. CR3 dies.
CR15 *blink* *scurry* (sadly to FSM knows where)
FTR, CR7 watched me from the far reaches of the windshield all the way home. he will be dealt w/ accordingly tomorrow.
guess i am going to have to bug bomb my car. i should also point out for anyone who has never lived in a tropical area that there are about 88 varieties of roaches residing here on the sandwich isles (i could be hyperbolizing), and they are all out to get me (i can’t back that up). granted, they are the tiny ones, but the tiny ones usually have big friends not far off, and smaller minions waiting in the wings.
it is like when i am doing laundry at night in the garage, and i come across on of them (the big ones) .
ME: don’t you think you are maybe lost?
Cockroach big enough to be a pet (CRBETBAP): *blink* *twitch*
ME: well, you know the rules *reaches for ghastly garden scented raid*
CRBETBAP: *blink* *scurries under garage door, back to side yard*
ME: that’s what i thought, mother fucker!
i have a pretty bad ass rep w/ these guys. they know i will not hesitate to unleash the nerve gas on them. i get a sick pleasure out of seeing their roachy bodies twitch and die.
i have an understanding w/ them, they don’t come into my house, and i don’t kill them.
i mean, it’s not like i go outside and roll around in their dung heap, getting all up in their waste trails and business. they sure as fuck should stay out of my common spaces (and my FSM forsaken car! noodly FSM i can’t wait to get rid of it!). seems simple enough.
but now that i am all itchy thinking of them being in my car, i am going to go to bed, b/c i am fucking tired as hell.