exactly that

i walk to my car after work tonight, to find a few visitors.

ME:  WTF?  you all are not supposed to fucking be here!

COCKROACHES 1, 3, and 5 (CR135):  *blink*  *twitch*

ME:  you better get the fuck outta here!  *brandishes “ethos” water bottle*

CR135:  *blink*  *twitch*

ME:  *smashes CR3 w/ “ethos” water bottle.  water bottle crits CR3 for 57,893 damage.  CR3 dies.

CR15  *blink*  *scurry*  (sadly to FSM knows where)

FTR, CR7 watched me from the far reaches of the windshield all the way home.  he will be dealt w/ accordingly tomorrow.



guess i am going to have to bug bomb my car.  i should also point out for anyone who has never lived in a tropical area that there are about 88 varieties of roaches residing here on the sandwich isles (i could be hyperbolizing), and they are all out to get me (i can’t back that up).  granted, they are the tiny ones, but the tiny ones usually have big friends not far off, and smaller minions waiting in the wings.

it is like when i am doing laundry at night in the garage, and i come across on of them (the big ones) .

ME:  don’t you think you are maybe lost?

Cockroach big enough to be a pet (CRBETBAP):  *blink*  *twitch*

ME:  well, you know the rules *reaches for ghastly garden scented raid*

CRBETBAP:  *blink*  *scurries under garage door, back to side yard*

ME:  that’s what i thought, mother fucker!


i have a pretty bad ass rep w/ these guys.  they know i will not hesitate to unleash the nerve gas on them.  i get a sick pleasure out of seeing their roachy bodies twitch and die.

i have an understanding w/ them, they don’t come into my house, and i don’t kill them.

i mean, it’s not like i go outside and roll around in their dung heap, getting all up in their waste trails and business.  they sure as fuck should stay out of my common spaces (and my FSM forsaken car!  noodly FSM i can’t wait to get rid of it!).  seems simple enough.


but now that i am all itchy thinking of them being in my car, i am going to go to bed, b/c i am fucking tired as hell. 


Comments on: "conversations w/ non humans" (12)

  1. water bottle crits CR3 for 57,893 damage. CR3 dies.

    I am geeky enough to find that hilarious.


    And yes, I live in the bug zone as well. Year round. We get those 2 inch long water roaches.


    Chickens will eat them you know. Maybe you could get a chicken.

  2. Oh, I don’t know. Chickens area whole other issue.

    We had ants in the car once. What the hell do you do about ants in the car?

    And yes, that *was* a good line.

  3. :lol:

    Round here we get teeny tiny li’l bugs. Gnats and chiggers’ll fuckin’ drive ya gnuts.

  4. although, i will say, hawai’i has some of the most beautiful wild chickens…


    chickens? why would i do that?

    and, i am glad to be among geeks.

  5. bwahahahahaha

    We don’t have bugs like that here. I do have a peace agreement with the spiders though. They get free range as long as they stay out of my bed and out of the bathtubs.

    Now being that we are a super urban area- I do have a colony of rats living in the blackberry bushes in my back yard. I have surrendered that area, I don’t fight rats.

  6. ROUSs? I don’t believe they exist!


    and the spiders get no such leeway from me. they need to stay well out of sight (or reach, since the ceiling is vaulted) to avoid my wrath.

  7. Dear gawd I need to re-watch Princess Bride

    I do not understand you anti-spider freaks. I wouldn’t want them as a pet, but they eat all the bugs that I hate like ants and mosquitoes.

  8. well they sure don’t eat cockroaches.

    that’s what the geckos are for!

    i love the geckos, plus they make cool noises when they eat roaches.

  9. pizzadiavola said:

    O_O Those cockroaches sound awful! I admire your nerve and humor…I’d be a wreck if I had to deal with roaches. Ew ew ew.

  10. ahh, pizza (thanks for stopping by, BTW!), b/f i can be nerve filled and humorous, i do the traditional “EWWWW *squeal* IT’S A GROSS NASTY COCKROACH” dance.

    but nerve and humor keep me alive in such dire sitchs.

    unlike putting a chicken in my car would. shit, i might as well just watch the Star Wars x-mas special repeatedly until my heart gives out.


  11. jeffyourf'inheroscott said:

    Just wanted you to know that I actually laughed for a good 3.5 minutes after reading this. I can imagine walking out into the garage and finding you standing on top of a pile of laundry with a water bottle in hand swearing up and down that they are after you.

    I miss the house btw.

  12. hahaha.

    the house misses you too, btw. ;)

    good to know you read my page long enough to find this old ass post! :lol:

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